Recovery: Part II
I have talked a lot about the physical affects of having chronic fatigue, but not so much on the mental affects. Without a doubt my mental side has suffered just as much, if not more. Fighting with your own body is hard, but fighting with your mind takes a lot longer to overcome. Being in pain daily takes it out of you not just physically but mentally. It drags you down, the worst thing about it is, it's never going away.
I suffer from anxiety and depression, partly as a result of getting sick. I fight with my mind daily to try and get myself to see the positive things in life. But on the days I can barely get out of bed, that is easier said than done. I'm not a severely depressed person and I never want to let it to get that bad, because that's not who I am. But I would be lying if I said that my depression/anxiety didn't affect my life. Falling sick and being isolated from the world so quickly definitely took it's toll on me- I sometimes find it hard to even go to the supermarket because of the amount of people there. It may sound stupid and going to the supermarket may be a simple thing for you, but for me it's going back into the world after months of being out of it.
This distance from everyone eventually caught up with me in wave of depression/anxiety. At times I felt so alone. I got to a point where I thought I would rather not be here, than live like this.. live so sick. It's not the way someone is meant to live, but people do and people come out the other side. I am no longer in that state of mind. My depression comes and goes but I know it's worth the fight. I am fighting for my health everyday and I hope it's a fight I will eventually win.