My Love/Hate Relationship with Exercise
Nowadays exercise is so widely brought up in conversation along with social media and so many of us are getting on the workout bandwagon that it's a challenge in itself to try and escape it.
Every time I hear the words 'gym, exercise and workout' I cringe a little inside. It's not because I hate exercise, it's because I hate not being able to do it. I hate that my body isn't physically strong enough to do a simple workout. I hate that if I did go to the gym the consequences would be huge- at least a week being bed ridden. But the thing I hate the most is exercise (the thing I loved the most) was the very thing that pushed my body over the edge and ultimately left me with CFS.
Here let me explain.. Rewind 2 years and my life was like this: school, working 2 jobs, a very very social life and the gym. I guess you could say my life was like the rest. The difference was I didn't know when/how to stop and slow down. I would go from school to work to the gym.. everyday! I liked having a routine and I liked to be busy because it distracted me from what I didn't know at the time was anxiety. After I got diagnosed with anxiety I found the gym helped me juggled it and it became a way to release my stress. Just like that I was hooked, I was there everyday- before work, after school whenever I could. I loved working out, it made me feel good- mentally and physically. But then I became addicted to it and that's when I took advantage of my body to the point of exhaustion. I started to deteriorate more and more every day, my body didn't feel right and it wasn't working like it should have been. I ignored all signs that I needed to stop. Until I woke up and physically couldn't get out of bed. For weeks I didn't eat, leave bed and I could only talk for a very short amount of time because it was too tiring.
Ultimately excessive exercise was the last straw and it pushed my body over the edge. Looking back I considered myself a healthy person because I ate relativity good and I exercised regularly. But I know now that was far from the truth. A lot of the time being healthy is perceived as them two things and them two things alone but trust me it's not. To be healthy is to look after yourself not run yourself into the ground over exercising. Everything in moderation because too much of something good can be easily turned into something bad.
At the moment I have a love-hate relationship with exercise. In theory I would love to do to it, in reality I am so fearful of it because of what it wound up doing to me. But this year a made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let my CFS run my life. So for the past week I have been taking a step towards that. I managed to do 25 minutes of yoga! Exercise use to be my best friend but when I got sick it turned into my worst enemy. I'm slowly trying to ease myself back into it without relapsing, which means for now once a week is all my body can handle. Not going to lie I do get exhausted after but it feels good to see my body reacting positively to it again.
I turned exercise which was a positive thing in my life into something negative and there's nothing I regret more. Don't let that be you.