The Good Behind The Bad
Yes illness changes us, but we can also change how it affects us and impacts our lives.
I know I always write about the 'ugly' side of being chronically ill. I guess the 'ugly' side could be also called the truth. The thing about the truth is most of the time it isn't what we want to read or hear but needs to be said. I felt this side of living with CFS needed to be talked about. I needed to shed light on it because I got angry when people didn't understand (which was hypocritical of me because I wasn't willing to talk about it.) So I started this blog. I started it to help advocate I guess, for those who are chronically ill. Sharing my experiences/life to help educate those nearest and dearest to me (and now everyone else.) As I have grown to accept my CFS I have become a lot more positive and I know what you're thinking it's about time you share some of that.. and I do too. So here's a bit more of a positive post.. The good behind the bad.
For me there came I point after being diagnosed, after that time of grief, where I stopped looking for a quick fix, a miracle cure because it all led to false hope. Instead I turned my energy on being an advocate- I'm beginning to advocate being 'as well as I can be.' Which means it's stopped being about delaying my life until I'm 100% better but instead enjoying every moment. Whether I like it or not there is a good chance I could be carrying this illness around for a long time, if not life. So I can either wallow in that or I can fight for my only life and make it a good one- and that's what I plan to do. Because as I looked back on the last year I don't want that to keep being my reality. Getting up for nothing every day, losing motivation.. that in itself is tiring. There is a fine line between listening to my body and over doing it for me, but I'm determined to make that line a bit more harder to cross.
The good days I have are what keeps me going so I make sure I remember them. Remember the warmth they made me feel, the laughter they brought to my eyes. It's like they ignite a fire inside of me that even on the baddest days that make me remember 'right, you're alive and those moments are what life is about- this what you're fighting everyday for.' They (the good days) reassure me that even though this illness is a reality, it's not always permanent.