A Life Reminder
It's been over a year since I left school. A year since I had the non avoidable meltdown of 'I don't know what the hell I am going to do with my life' and of course the other old meltdown 'I am so not ready to be an adult.' Let's be honest here everyone has those.
While yes my decision to leave school and not stay for my last year was technically a choice, it wasn't the choice I thought I would have to make (thanks CFS for helping with that one.) Anyway this post isn't about me being sick, it's about creating the life you want.. You know the one you actually want to live.
I have read my fair share of posts about 'creating the life you want' and truthfully I just didn't really get it.. I couldn't relate. And it wasn't until I went on holiday and was away from my every day life and town, meeting all these different people that something in me clicked. Living in a small town I was so stuck in that small town bubble, the small town way I guess, that I couldn't really see the bigger picture and see life for what it really was (as usual I know what I'm trying to say but I just can't execute it right but I hope you get the gist.)
Why is it still a thing that people think you can only be successful if you go to University? It's something every man and his dog asks you when you're in high school and it's something you're just expected to know as soon as you put your foot through the high school door. So we might as well put it all out there.
It's scary. It's scary thinking you have to have your life figured/planned out by the time you wave goodbye to high school. Now don't get me wrong school/education is super important. However the mentality that goes with school of 'if you don't go to school you're a failure' needs to stop. As I got older this mentality was drilled into me more and more and so was University.. How getting the good marks in high school would set up your whole damn future. Some may argue and say it does.. and to a degree I can see that. But the way I saw it was there were people around me who thought how well they did in high school would overall determine their later success in life. Yep I fell right into that trap, if I got a bad mark on an assessment I thought well there goes my entire future. High school can help your future, but it's not the only way.
I tried to convince myself I wanted to go to Uni. I looked up courses, campuses, dorms but none of it really felt right for me, it didn't spark any excitement in me at all. If anything it was dread and anxiety that filled me.
Looking back I saw Uni as an excuse, as a way out of my town. I thought if I didn't go to Uni what would I do, how would I get out? What would I tell people when they asked me what I was doing? And this scared me more than the thought of Uni.
And then I got sick and my whole life was flipped upside down. I was forced to re-evaluate my life and my future. And as my life panned out Uni wasn't apart of my plans anymore and neither was my final year of school- weirdly enough I don't regret that. For me, when I got sick it put life into perspective and I realised how easily it can be taken away from you. Honestly life really is too short to do something you don't wholeheartedly want to do.
So this year I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let my sickness run my life/future and I would begin to do things that I loved. I made a few goals (that were realistic enough for me to achieve of course) and decided this year I would try make some of them happen and what do you know they have!!!
I have found a job that suits me. I have traveled around the islands. I have found a career path that I actually want to pursue (regardless the time it takes.) I have decided not to put my life on hold any longer. I'm so much more happier than I was 6 months ago and I'm feeling so much more positive in where my life is going. Who knows if I went to Uni I would feel the same way? I don't know whether I will go back to further my education or not ( I have a constant love/hate relationship with the idea of that) but I do know that I don't need it to be happy and nor do I need it to be successful.
I know this post is a very rambly one but let me clarify this.. I do think school and getting an education is important.. I'm not saying drop out or don't pursue further education- I'm envious of those who have the motivation to study. At the moment I just don't have the desire to go back to school. And remember you don't have to feel any less if you don't choose to study.
These days it's hard not to fall into the trap of how our lives should be. Got to school, leave with UE, go to Uni, graduate, get a job that's fitted to our degrees, buy a house, get married. It's the cycle of what is expected of us. But that's all it is an expectation. It's your life, create it and live it the way YOU want to. Don't live it for someone else or because someone may be disappointed in you.
So, to you, I hope you fall out of the trap rather than be caught up in it. Life honestly is too short.